A Riot is an Ugly Thing

Song Lyric Thursday

I used to hate it when dudes, who were older than me, used to tell me the music from their generation was best. They would go on and on about how great the 50s music was...puhlease!  Then some ex-hippie would tell me that the music from the 60s changed the world...I'll give you that lots of the music from the 60s was great, but for every The Doors you had a Teddy and his Patches. The same year The White Album was released, so was God Bless Tiny Tim.

No, I'm afraid those old dudes are all wrong. The best genre of music is the 70s, especially the stadium rock bands. You can't beat Heart, Kansas, Styx, Jethro Tull, AC/DC, Queen, Aerosmith, Van Halen, Led Zeppelin, Boston...Tell me what decade was greater?

Recently, my favorite radio station 94.7 changed its format from 60s, 70s, and 80s Album/Classic Rock to popular bull shit.  Enraged, I called to complain. They basically told me that they had to change because they just couldn't pull advertisers. The area demographics were trending younger.

Dear God! I'm now so old that I've slipped out of the most favorable demographic for advertisers. When did this happen? How did this happen? How did I miss that I've gotten so fuckin' old? I used to kid about being old, but now it's true.  When Obama rams this Universal Health Care down our fuckin' throats (oops, that's a little political), I'll be too old to qualify for organ donations. The giant bureaucracy won't waste a liver, heart, or kidneys on an old mother fucker like me, better give it to some young cock-knocker who couldn't find his ass in a blizzard if he had it in both hands! Shit! I'll not stand for this! I'm not going down without a fight...Jesus, what was I talking about?...you know the memory is probably the third or fourth thing to go, but I can't seem to remember what went first.

Recently, I bought a KISS CD, and have been listening to it at work. Man, that brings back memories. I remember going to see KISS at the Capital Centre; I think it was for the Destroyer Tour.  Back then I had my whole life ahead of me. The world would be my oyster. I thought anything was possible. If I had only known this, I would have run into a truck, like in Detroit Rock City.  I couldn't foresee that I would spend a 10-year period of being religious and having absolutely no sex, at all!  I'll never get those years back. After that it has only improved marginally, now I get it every 5 years, and I'm damn thankful for it. 

If I was giving a speech at a High School Graduation, I would say, "Girls, stay away the boys till you are 30. Boys, Fuck every woman who'll say yes. Don't be picky; take them big, little, ugly, hot, one-leg or two. If they were born with a vagina, try to get in there. Because when the well dries up...you won't find a drink!  This goes double for the married men...I see it all the time, except for Birthday and Anniversary...they are denied!  Oh, and don't figure on masturbating to some porn either. Your significant other, married or single, will turn off her vibrator long enough to scream at you for being a sick bastard, and ask you what's the matter isn't she enough for you?

Dammit, I've wondered off the subject again. Oh, here's something you'll never hear, a 46-year old man say, " I wish I had sex with fewer women when I was younger." Even if his brain is rotting from the effects of syphilis, he'll still say, "oh well, at least I got a lot of pussy before I died!"

Oh yea, I like Love Gun by KISS.

Love Gun - KISS

I really love ya baby
I love what you've got
Let's get together we can
Get hot
No more tomorrow baby
Time is today
Girl I can make you feel
Okay

No place for hidin' baby
No place to run
You pull the trigger of my
Love gun
Love gun
Love gun
Love gun

You can't forget me baby
Don't try to lie
You'll never leave me mama
Don't try
I'll be a gambler baby
And lay down the bet
If we get together mama
You'll sweat

No place for hidin' baby
No place to run
You pull the trigger of my
Love gun
Love gun
Love gun
Love gun
Gun, love gun
Gun, love gun

You got, you got love
Love gun
You got love
Love gun

Theme Week Friday

 

We end our theme week of "pictures and songs about animals, more or less" with one of my favorite animals, the monkey.

Brass Monkey by The Beastie Boys

Brass Monkey - that funky Monkey
Brass Monkey - junkie
That funky Monkey


Got this dance that's more than real
Drink Brass Monkey - here's how you feel
Put your left leg down - your right leg up
Tilt your head back - let's finish the cup
M.C.A. with the bottle - D. rocks the can
Adrock gets nice with Charlie Chan
We're offered Moet - we don't mind Chivas
Wherever we go we bring the Monkey with us
Adrock drinks three - Mike D. is D.
Double R. foots the bill most definitely
I drink Brass Monkey and I rock well
I got a Castle in Brooklyn - that's where I dwell


Brass Monkey - that funky Monkey
Brass Monkey - junkie
That funky Monkey


Cause I drink it anytime - and anyplace
When it's time to get ill - I pour it on my face
Monkey tastes Def when you pour it on ice
Come on y'all it's time to get nice
Coolin' by the lockers getting kind of funky
Me and the crew - we're drinking Brass Monkey
This girl walked by - she gave me the eye
I reached in the locker - grabbed the Spanish Fly
I put it with the Monkey - mixed it in the cup
Went over to the girl, "Yo baby, what's up?"
I offered her a sip - the girl she gave me lip
It did begin the stuff wore in and now she's on my tip


Brass Monkey - that funky Monkey
Brass Monkey - junkie
That funky Monkey


Step up to the bar - put the girl down
She takes a big gulp and slaps it around
Take a sip - you can do it - you get right to it
We had a case in the place and we went right through it
You got a dry Martini - thinking you're cool
I'll take your place at the bar - I smack you off your stool
I'll down a '40 dog" in a single gulp
And if you got beef you'll get beat to a pulp
Monkey and parties and reelin' and rockin'
Def, def - girls, girls - all y'all jockin'
The song and dance keeping you in a trance
If you don't buy my record I got my advance
I drink it - I think it - I see it - I be it
I love Brass Monkey but I won't give D. it
We got the bottle - you got the cup
Come on everybody let's get fucked up 


Brass Monkey - that funky Monkey
Brass Monkey - junkie
That funky Monkey
 

Theme Week Thursday

Dixie Chicken - Little Feat

I've seen the bright lights of Memphis and the Commodore Hotel
And, underneath a street lamp I met a Southern Belle
Well, she took me to the river where she cast her spell
And, in that southern moonlight she sang the song so well

If you'll be my Dixie Chicken, I'll be your Tennessee Lamb
And we can walk together down in Dixieland
Down in Dixieland

Well, we made all the hot spots - my money flowed like wine
And then that lowdown southern whiskey began to fog my mind
And I don't remember church bells or the money I put down
On the white picket fence and boardwalk of the house at the edge of town
Oh, but boy do I remember the strain of her refrain
And the nights we spent together, and the way she called my name

If you'll be my Dixie Chicken, I'll be your Tennessee Lamb
And we can walk together down in Dixieland
Down in Dixieland

Well, it's been a year since she ran away - guess that guitar player sure could play
She always liked to sing along - she's always handy with a song
Then one night in the lobby of the Commodore Hotel
I chanced to meet a bartender who said he knew her well
And as he handed me a drink he began to hum a song
And all the boys there at the bar began to sing along

If you'll be my Dixie Chicken, I'll be your Tennessee Lamb
And we can walk together down in Dixieland
Down in Dixieland

Theme Week Wednesday

Northern Mockingbird (Mimus polyglottos) has the interesting habit of repeating the songs of other birds, and occasionally urban noises. He repeats the songs three or more times, and then moves into his next imitation.  I usually like mockingbirds, except that the males sing all night long from the tops of trees, which is annoying when they are camped outside your window.  It's like having to listen to the bird version of Rich Little, over and over again.

Mockingbird (by Inez and Charlie Foxx, with additional lyrics by James Taylor, as sung by Carly Simon)

Everybody have you heard
He's gonna buy me a mockingbird
And if that mockingbird don't sing
He's gonna buy me a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring won't shine
He's gonna surely break this heart of mine
And that's why I keep on tellin' everybody.....

Hear me now and understand
He's gonna find me some piece of mind
And if that piece of mind won't stay
I'm gonna find myself a better way
And if that better way ain't so
I'll ride with the tide and go with the flow
And that's why I keep on shoutin' in your ear.....

Everybody have you heard
She's gonna buy me a mockingbird
And if that mockingbird don't sing
She's gonna buy me a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring won't shine
Gonna surely break this heart of mine
And that's the reason why I keep on tellin' everybody...

Listen now and understand
She's gonna find me some piece of mind
And if that piece of mind won't stay
I'm gonna get myself a better way
I might rise above, I might go below
Ride with the tide and go with the flow
And that's the reason why I keep on shouting in your ear... 

Theme Week Tuesday

My Godson, Garrett, went snorkeling, for the very first time, in Key West with his folks this week.  He saw some brightly colored fish, which he liked. He saw a turtle, that was cool. He saw a barracuda which was longer than he was, and he told his father he was ready to go home now.

Tuesday's song lyric is from one of the greatest groups of the 70s, Heart.

Barracuda - Heart

So this ain't the end -
I saw you again today
Had to turn my heart away
You smiled like the Sun -
Kisses for everyone
And tales - it never fails!

You lying so low in the weeds
Bet you gonna ambush me
You'd have me down on my knees
Wouldn't you, Barracuda?

Back over Time when we were all
Trying for free
Met up with porpoise and me
No right no wrong your selling a Song-
A name whisper game.

If the real thing don't do the trick
You better make up something quick
You gonna burn it out to the wick
Aren't you, Barracuda?

"Sell me sell you" the porpoise said
Dive down deep to save my head
You...I think you got the blues too.

All that night and all the next
Swam without looking back
Made for the western pools - silly fools!

Theme Week Monday

When I'm in a bad mood or depressed, I like to either post pictures of scantily clad women or do a theme week.  As I've been posting half-nekkid ladies on a regular basis recently, I'm going with a theme week.  My theme is pictures and lyrics from songs about animals, more or less. 

Dogs of War - Pink Floyd

Dogs of war and men of hate
With no cause, we don't discriminate
Discovery is to be disowned
Our currency is flesh and bone
Hell opened up and put on sale
Gather 'round and haggle
For hard cash, we will lie and deceive
Even our masters don't know the web we weave
One world, it's a battleground
One world, and we will smash it down
One world ... One world
Invisible transfers, long distance calls,
Hollow laughter in marble halls
Steps have been taken, a silent uproar
Has unleashed the dogs of war
You can't stop what has begun
Signed, sealed, they deliver oblivion
We all have a dark side, to say the least
And dealing in death is the nature of the beast
One world, it's a battleground
One world, and we will smash it down
One world ... One world
The dogs of war don't negotiate
The dogs of war won't capitulate,
They will take and you will give,
And you must die so that they may live
You can knock at any door,
But wherever you go, you know they've been there before
Well winners can lose and things can get strained
But whatever you change, you know the dogs remain.
One world, it's a battleground
One world, and we will smash it down
One world ... One world
 

Song Lyric Thursday

Meagan Fox wants to date Angelina Jolie.  If this could only happen, and they had sex, can you imagine the repercussions? All war would cease.  Hunger would be completely wiped out.  All diseases would be cured. The Jew and Arab could dwell in peace forever. Pit Bulls and mosquitoes would lose all desire to bite.  Poisonous adders would pluck out their fangs, and deadly spiders will refuse to envenomate anything ever again. On the downside, people would be slightly deafened from the angels high-fiving each other. 

For my Keitholics, if this were to happen, it would be referred to as the Second, Third, and Fourth Cuming of Uncle Keith.  Everyone must do whatever they can to see to it that this happens, and that I get a copy of the video.

Hallelujah Chorus (original lyrics by G. F. Handel)

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah!
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah!

For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth!
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah!

The kingdom of this world is become
The kingdom of our Lord, and of His Christ!
And he shall reign for ever and ever!

King of kings and Lord of lords!
King of kings and Lord of lords!
And He shall reign forever and ever!
Forever and ever!

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah
Hallelujah!

Looking into the promised land

Every once in a while, you get to catch even the slightest glimpse, or shape, of paradise. In this case, we get to see, through a glass darkly, the outline of Megan Fox's Pleasure Palace.

Will it hasten my rocket sled ride to Hell, that I useda phrase from the Bible* in the description of Megan's HooHoo?

*"For now we see through a glass, darkly."  1 Corinthians 13:12

I'll get tennis balls

The Women's Tennis Association (WTA) and certain snooty Tournaments are starting to have problems with the noises the ladies are making when they hit the ball.  These ladies make all manner of grunts and squeals when returning the ball. 

I wish the WTA would shut the Hell up.  I happen to enjoy  looking at some of these lovely ladies and listening to their orgasmic grunts and shrieks. On some weekends, I will happily put ladies tennis on my big screen TV, put a towel down on the couch, and listen to the ladies grunt and howl with each heavy stroke, while I work my Johnny McEnroe.

A Good Idea

Chastity Bono, the daughter of Sonny and Cher, is getting a sex-change operation.  I applaud this move, and must say I understand it completely.  If I had been born a woman, I would immediately post the lesbian flag and start licking.  Nothing gets me out of the mood for sex more than a naked man.  The penis, while a great appendage to have, is disturbing to look at.  When you add in that aesthetic bad decision, the swinging ballsack; what a catastrophe.  The yambag is God's velvet Elvis painting. What on Earth was he thinking?

What I'm saying is I don't see how you women do it. Either you think very definitely different or you are very decidedly insane.  A naked woman is much more attractive than a naked man.  I can't watch soccer, except when it's played by topless women in that Brazilian league.  Men's beach volleyball...boring! Women's beach volleyball...Schwing! The NBA versus the WNBA...well, that's a bad example.

My advice for Chastity is don't get the work done by the guy I got; I haven't been happy with mine since puberty!