A Riot is an Ugly Thing

I will answer the challenge

In answer to Annie's challenge, here is Leona Lewis. She is the first British female artist to debut at #1 on Billboard's Album Chart.  She's easy on the eyes and the ears.

Come back, Dolores!

I wrote earlier in the week about the receptionist, Dolores, being out on leave.  In her absence, we have a temp. Jesus, that woman will not shut up.  This is the woman they usually send over to cover for Dolores, when she can't be here. First of all, this woman is as ugly as homemade soap.  I know that's not fair, but she looks like they made up her face from spare parts.  She could be one of the people from Late Night with Conan O'Brien's 'If They Mated' segment. Now, I know I'm no Brad Pitt, but I'm no Mr. Potato Head either.

Did I mention she won't shut up?  Jesus, that woman will not shut up.  The other day she started talking to me as soon as I got here, and didn't take a breath for 25 minutes.  I can't honestly tell you a thing she said, other than she apologized for not washing her hair.  The operative thing is she won't shut up.  This morning she witnessed to the trash man for 15 minutes. As the founder of my own religion, nobody understands the importance of somebody's immortal soul more than I do, but I need my trash emptied too.

Liverpool International Theater Festival

A special forces team of my theater peeps (Sweetie, Jackie, Dav, and others) are taking PTP's One Act Never Swim Alone to the Liverpool International Theater Festival in Nova Scotia, Canada.  I can see pictures of them at the opening flag ceremony from last night on the festival's web site; one of the cool things about the Internet, besides the porn.

Sweetie has kept me posted with text messages.  The folks from Nova Scotia are really friendly and hospitable. In fact, some of the people have opened their homes to host visitors.  I know some of my regular readers are Canadians, and I want to say thanks to them; first for inviting us to come to the festival and second for treating my friends so nicely. 

You can call me stupid, but don't treat me like I'm stupid!

Today was kind of special.  I'm already pushed up against a wall with a Thursday deadline, and very nebulous requirements, when an inspector pops up out of nowhere just to fuck with me.  The first exciting thing is that we aren't under his cognizance, so he has no right to inspect us.  Secondly, he's using the wrong guidelines, which means we have no other choice but to fail.  After we fail, he proceeds to lecture us in a very condescending way.  I'm barely holding it together for his speech, when he says, "What have we learned from this?"

Even though I enjoy writing ranting blogs, I generally don't rant often in real life.  My temper is like a bucket under a drip.  Once I get about half-full, I just empty myself out, and the floor never gets wet.  Today, I wasn't receiving a drip; it was a torrent.  I didn't have a chance to empty the bucket, and everybody got wet.

My boss hates it when I say, "fuck". Today, she had little time to object for all the "motherfuckers" and "cocksuckers" leaving my mouth. I spent my early years in the Navy with Boiler Inspectors and Marines.  They'll say, "fuck you" in front of their Mom.  From them, I learned the way it's done, and the way it's done is with lots of profanity for emphasis.  My boss's secretary started whining, "shhhh, we have visitors in the building." I told her, "Fuck those visitors, I didn't invite them."

It took a couple of hours to get it all straightened out. The Executive Officer (XO) from another organization had to reign in Johnny Inspector, and I had to retreat to my office and close the door. I'm now sitting here listening to DeBussy, drinking green tea, and trying to restrain my baser nature.  No doubt I'll be counseled on my plain language rebuttal to blatant stupidity.  They only like me to attack when they give the command.  That's why I'm not in a position of political sensitivity. 

None of this would have happened if my receptionist was here. She's out on sick leave having surgery.  She's like my work Mother. She uses her Island accent to intimidate visitors, and they are on their best behavior when they get to me.  It's a work of art watching her shake them down for camera phones, which are illegal in our building.  She has a way of looking at them sideways that chills their blood. Hurry back, Dolores.

Ghosts of Christmas Past

A couple of years ago, I did something that I knew was very obviously wrong. The guilt robbed me of any, but the initial enjoyment. Recently, I have had a similar, though not as obviously wrong, opportunity. This most recent opportunity wouldn't be a nice way to behave, but it wouldn't be patently wrong like the previous occasion. (Is that cryptic enough for you?)

I didn't act on this recent opportunity, and I really don't feel any better. I got very little sleep turning things over in my head. I know my old Sunday School Teacher would say, "Yes, but you did the right thing." To which, I would reply by punching her in the face.

Since this is cryptic, I don't expect Earth-shattering advice.  It's just an exercise in catharsis.

Happy MILF's Day

It's the day after Mother's Day, which on the calendar of Keitholicism is MILF's Day.  My first official saint of Ass Wednesday is Jessica Alba, and she's doing fine as a MILF, as well.  She hits my pregnancy fetish just perfectly.

So, it's MILF's Day, and everything that entails.  Focus on doing a Mom or a Mom-to-be.  You'll be glad you did.

Song Lyric Thursday

Back when I was a younger man, before I tore my knee up and got this mysterious scar on my right bicep that looks like it was made by an errant bullet from a 25 caliber Browning in a bar in Poza Teresa, Mexico.  I used to work for the FBI. Ronald Reagan was the President, William Webster was the Director, and Russia was still the Soviet Union.  Some day I'll tell those stories, and they were all true.

Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress - The Hollies   

Saturday night I was downtown
Working for the FBI
Sitting in a nest of bad men
Whiskey bottles piling high

Bootlegging boozer on the west side
Full of people who are doing wrong
Just about to call up the DA man
When I heard this woman singing a song

A pair of 45's made me open my eyes
My temperature started to rise
She was a long cool woman in a black dress
Just a 5-9 beautiful tall
With just one look I was a bad mess
'Cause that long cool woman had it all

I saw her heading to the table
Well a tall walking big black cat
When Charlie said I hope that you're able, boy
Well I'm telling you she knows where it's at
Well then suddenly we heard the sirens
And everybody started to run
Jumping under doors and tables
Well I heard somebody shooting a gun

Well the DA was pumping my left hand
And she was holding my right
Well I told her, "Don't get scared
'Cause you're gonna be spared"
Well I'm gonna be forgiven
If I wanna spend my living
With a long cool woman in a black dress
Just a 5-9 beautiful tall
With just one look I was a bad mess
'Cause that long cool woman had it all
Had it all, had it all, had it all...

I got a monkey on my back

Last night I did something I haven't done in over a year. No, I didn't break the prolonged sexless dry-spell. I went to McDonalds, after rehearsal. I haven't eaten at McDonalds since April 4, 2007. I got two cheeseburgers, fries, and a Dr. Pepper. A couple of hours later, I was sick as a dog. I don't know if the cheeseburgers actually made me sick, or if it was psychosomatic...heavy on the psycho.

I felt like my cousin with the oxycotin addiction.  I was doing good for a year, and I just fell off the wagon.  I lose my one year chip and now I have to start all over at day one.  This is much worse than when it happens to people on drugs or alcohol, because it happened to me.

Cinco de Mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Cinco de Mayo ("The Fifth of May" in Spanish) commemorates the victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza over the French occupational forces in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. Since it's over the French, is that really something extraordinary enough to celebrate. However, Salma Hayek is someone  extraordinary enough to celebrate? She wasn't born on May 5th, but she is from Coatzacoalcos, Mexico.

The death of a dedicated public servant

The DC Madame apparently took her own life.  In her honor, here's a picture of Alexandra Dupre the call girl from the Eliot Spitzer scandal.  I know one doesn't have much to do with the other, but I wanted another chance to post an Alexandra picture.